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Anxiety, Hives and Panic Attacks…
Aug. 20th, 2023 05:31 pmSunday August 20, 2023 4:43pm
It’s been about a month since I last posted; no excuses, I just haven’t written. Ive thought about it, have actually gotten my iPad out ad starred at it for a while, but didn't end up writing anything.
I’m sitting in my recliner, I had wanted to go outside to write, but its just too damn hot out there right now. According to the weather channel, its 86*, but it feels like 93*. The AC is helping a lot, but not the entire house. I wish that I had central air in here. Window units do help, but really, only the living room is nicely cooled.
I’m trying to not to scratch the hives I have on my arms from the major panic attack I had yesterday. Ive had panic attacks before, but this was an F10+ panic attack andI could NOT get it under control. I almost had my mom call 911, as I was hyperventilating and my chest hurt. Fortunately I remembered the deep breathing exercise that I learned from Michael, my first “counselor” that I had through my Doc office. I was able to slow my breathing down and bring my heart rate down to 85bpm from 125bpm. My blood pressure was sky high, and stayed that way most the afternoon, into the night. Luckily, I woke up this morning with normal vitals. But, I feel like Ive been beat up, and my entire body hurt/aches!
My panic attack was brought on by Avaya’s Birthday Party, at Saima and Ryan’s house. I know that I have written about what happened between my granddaughters, Emma and Avaya, back on Good Friday (the shaving incident). Well, Saima has still not allowed me to see Avaya, except for when I went to her dance recital and at Harper and Kinsley’s birthday party in July (at Dustin and Miranda’s house). I was able to spend most of that day talking to and spending time with Avaya, which was so nice. But Saima didn't say a single word to me the entire day. Nothing! She didn't even hardly look at me. To be honest, she hasn’t actually “talked” to be since she was here that night screaming at me about what had happened. I didn't attend Easter dinner (and Christmas, combined) at their house right after the incident happened. I knew that she didn't want me there, and I just could not bring myself to attend.
Well, after the way that she behaved towards me at Harper and Kinsley’s party, the thought of going to her house for Avaya’s party caused terrible anxiety and panic inside of me, and it caused a terrible panic attack. I was an absolute wreck!!!!!!!
My mom ended up texting Saima, telling her that I wasn’t coming and that I was having a terrible pani attack because of the situation and because of how Saima was treating me. I should add that my mom wasn’t going due to being sick with a head cold/summer bug. Saima did not respond, but I knew that she wouldn’t. I texted Dustin to ask if they could swing by to pick up Avaya’s gifts, he said he would.
When he got here, I was still struggling to get the panic attack under control. He asked me what was going on, and I, of course, started crying again and told him. He looked me straight in my face and said “I don't want to go either! Saima needs to get her head outta her ass!” And came over to hug me. I asked him if he would please tell Avaya that Grammie loves her, so much…and give her a hug from me. He said he would.
I haven’t seen any pictures posted of the party on Facebook and haven’t heard how the party turned out. I have texted Avaya on Facebook kids, but haven’t heard back from her yet. I’m hoping that Saima hasn’t forbid her from talking to me on there. But I can see her doing that *sigh*
I still can not believe that my daughter would keep me from my Granddaughter!! I was there the day she was born, Ive been there and have helped to take care of this child from day one!! I didn't do anything wrong!! What happened was not my fault. It really was no ones fault. It was just cousins being cousins, in my way of thinking. And Saima turned it into something REALLY bad, and have divided our family. If she had handled things the way that Elz did, the girls would be best friends again, an our family would be just fine. Instead, Saima caused the girls to hate each other, our family to be divided now and she has ripped my heart right out of my best and crushed it. And she thought nothing of it. Nothing at all.
I don't think that things will ever be the same again…
This is Life…As My Thoughts Wander
Lisa M~
It’s been about a month since I last posted; no excuses, I just haven’t written. Ive thought about it, have actually gotten my iPad out ad starred at it for a while, but didn't end up writing anything.
I’m sitting in my recliner, I had wanted to go outside to write, but its just too damn hot out there right now. According to the weather channel, its 86*, but it feels like 93*. The AC is helping a lot, but not the entire house. I wish that I had central air in here. Window units do help, but really, only the living room is nicely cooled.
I’m trying to not to scratch the hives I have on my arms from the major panic attack I had yesterday. Ive had panic attacks before, but this was an F10+ panic attack andI could NOT get it under control. I almost had my mom call 911, as I was hyperventilating and my chest hurt. Fortunately I remembered the deep breathing exercise that I learned from Michael, my first “counselor” that I had through my Doc office. I was able to slow my breathing down and bring my heart rate down to 85bpm from 125bpm. My blood pressure was sky high, and stayed that way most the afternoon, into the night. Luckily, I woke up this morning with normal vitals. But, I feel like Ive been beat up, and my entire body hurt/aches!
My panic attack was brought on by Avaya’s Birthday Party, at Saima and Ryan’s house. I know that I have written about what happened between my granddaughters, Emma and Avaya, back on Good Friday (the shaving incident). Well, Saima has still not allowed me to see Avaya, except for when I went to her dance recital and at Harper and Kinsley’s birthday party in July (at Dustin and Miranda’s house). I was able to spend most of that day talking to and spending time with Avaya, which was so nice. But Saima didn't say a single word to me the entire day. Nothing! She didn't even hardly look at me. To be honest, she hasn’t actually “talked” to be since she was here that night screaming at me about what had happened. I didn't attend Easter dinner (and Christmas, combined) at their house right after the incident happened. I knew that she didn't want me there, and I just could not bring myself to attend.
Well, after the way that she behaved towards me at Harper and Kinsley’s party, the thought of going to her house for Avaya’s party caused terrible anxiety and panic inside of me, and it caused a terrible panic attack. I was an absolute wreck!!!!!!!
My mom ended up texting Saima, telling her that I wasn’t coming and that I was having a terrible pani attack because of the situation and because of how Saima was treating me. I should add that my mom wasn’t going due to being sick with a head cold/summer bug. Saima did not respond, but I knew that she wouldn’t. I texted Dustin to ask if they could swing by to pick up Avaya’s gifts, he said he would.
When he got here, I was still struggling to get the panic attack under control. He asked me what was going on, and I, of course, started crying again and told him. He looked me straight in my face and said “I don't want to go either! Saima needs to get her head outta her ass!” And came over to hug me. I asked him if he would please tell Avaya that Grammie loves her, so much…and give her a hug from me. He said he would.
I haven’t seen any pictures posted of the party on Facebook and haven’t heard how the party turned out. I have texted Avaya on Facebook kids, but haven’t heard back from her yet. I’m hoping that Saima hasn’t forbid her from talking to me on there. But I can see her doing that *sigh*
I still can not believe that my daughter would keep me from my Granddaughter!! I was there the day she was born, Ive been there and have helped to take care of this child from day one!! I didn't do anything wrong!! What happened was not my fault. It really was no ones fault. It was just cousins being cousins, in my way of thinking. And Saima turned it into something REALLY bad, and have divided our family. If she had handled things the way that Elz did, the girls would be best friends again, an our family would be just fine. Instead, Saima caused the girls to hate each other, our family to be divided now and she has ripped my heart right out of my best and crushed it. And she thought nothing of it. Nothing at all.
I don't think that things will ever be the same again…
This is Life…As My Thoughts Wander
Lisa M~
