The Stress is Becoming Unbearable…
Apr. 23rd, 2023 07:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thoughts_wanderSunday April 23, 2023 4:43pm
It’s hard to believe that its Spring…given the cold temps and possibilities of snow tonight. I know that in Michigan, anything can happen during early Spring, but come on!! I feel sorry for the birds that have come back and are nesting now. They have to be so cold. I am SO-SO-SO ready for warmer weather!! Oh, and SUNSHINE!!
It’s been a stressful week, maybe a bit longer than a week.
A week ago Friday, my mom and I went for our monthly appointment at Gleaner’s Food Pantry and I ended up having a full blown panic attack. I felt like I was going to pass out and I could barely walk. It was terrible!! Luckily I was able to get outside and to my car before it got any worse. Of course my mom doesn’t understand panic attacks and why I have them…and has no problem telling me that I need to just get over whatever is causing them. Yeah Mom, its just not that easy!
My cousin had court last week and it was dismissed!! No more charges will be brought against him or “Smoke” in this case. Now that he police and prosecutor have ALL the information, they have decided that there is no evidence to charge either of them.
My mom had gone down there to spend a few days with her sister, my Aunt Lauri. Brad lives there too as does Brad’s son Skyler, and Travis, my Aunt Lauri’s youngest son. My Aunt Lauri is very sick; physically and mentally. It’s a long story about her and I am not going to get into it right now, but my mom went down there to help Aunt Lauri make some Doc appointments so she can get cleared to have a colonoscopy done and to take Brad to court.
Well, my Aunt Lauri made all kinds of excuses not to make the appointments and not to make phone calls. In fact, she didn’t want to do anything at all but do “research” on her phone about all the things that are wrong with her. She refuses to believe that the things that are wrong with her have anything to do with what she does or does not do for her health. She blames everything on the house that shes living in. It’s really unbelievable to me. She believes that the Doctors diagnosis’s are always wrong and she doesn’t believe anything that they say or do. It’s really very crazy!
The night before Brad was due in court, he had a PTSD episode, and went crazy. he pulled a knife on my mom and Aunt Lauri and said he was going to kill them both. He stabbed walls in the house and punched walls in the walls. He did not hurt either of them, but totally freaked them both out. You see, Brad has been in prison before, years ago when he was just 18 yrs old. He was involved in an armed robbery, but only by association, and went to prison. While he was inside, he was beaten badly and raped, and spend 2 weeks in the hospital due to the attack. Needless to say, that is what caused the PTSD…and the possibilities of going back to prison caused a flare.
When my mom got home from being at my Aunt Lauri’s house, she told me what happened and added that she would NOT be moving in with them when they found a new place. This declaration obviously caused me to have more stress and caused a panic attack.
I have been working on finding a new counselor because I stopped going to my other counselor a while ago. And of course, no one around here takes my insurance and if they do, they aren’t taking new patients. Well, the day after my most recent panic attack, I found a counselor that takes my insurance and who is taking new patients!! She was able to get me in the very next day!! Her name is Hannah, and I really do like her. She’s a little rough around the edges and doesn’t beat around the bush! I like that in a person-especially in a counselor.
===============
Easter weekend was NOT a good weekend!!
Friday I had a few of my grandkids; Emma, Avaya, Braxton and Beau over for lunch and to color Easter eggs. It was ALOT of fun, and I think that the kids all had fun! the boys went home in the evening, and the girls were supposed to send the night and go home the next afternoon. Well…that didn't happen.
Later that evening, the girls asked if the could take a shower; thy both said that they wanted to get the egg dye off the hands and arms and that they both needed to wash their hair (which they did). They said they were going to take a shower together and I didnt think anything of it (neither did Paige, who was here with me). I asked them both if they were sure thats what they wanted to do (they are 9/10ths old) and they both said yes, they do it all the time. So, into the bathroom they went.
They weren’t in the more than 30’ish minutes, and afterwards I brushed both of the hair and we went about our evening as we normally would. The girls did their thing; talking, dancing, listening to music and just being little girls. When it came time to go to bed, I told them that they could sleep in my bed because my mom wasn’t here and they were both very excited about that!! they started getting their stuff in the bedroom. Emma walked out into the living room where I was asking for pillows because my mom had taken her 2 pillows with her. I pointed to the couch where 2 of Paiges pillows had Ben set out fr the girls and Emma grabbed them and headed back into the bedroom. Five minutes later, Avaya came out of the bedroom and started getting the couch ready to sleep on. I asked her what was going on and she said that Emma wouldn’t give her a pillow, so she was going to sleep on the couch. I knew that wasn’t the reason; Avaya likes to sleep in the room where I am sleeping, shes cared at night.
When I looked over at Avaya, she was crying an I asked her what was wrong, to which she said she was missing her mommy. I asked her if she wanted to go home, and she said that she did, so we face timed with Saima to tell her to come get Avaya. Avaya had just started some ADHD meds, so naturally Saima and assumed that the meds were effecting her and that was why she was so emotional.
Saima got her roughly 30 minutes later (1am) and she and Avaya headed out. Emma came out into the living room and Paige followed her. That’s when Saima stormed into the front door yelling that she was pissed off. When I asked her why, she said that Emma had shaved Avaya while in the shower. I was confused and said, “shaved Avaya?” And Saima screamed “HER PRIVATES!!!!!!!!” I looked over at Emma, who was now crying and asked “why would you do that Emma?” And she said “it wasn’t my decision, she asked me to…” Saima yelled, “shes only 9 fucking years old!!!!” All the while both Avaya and Emma are now crying hysterically, and Saima grabbed Avaya and walked out, slamming my door hard enough to make pictures fall off the wall.
I was in complete shock and didnt even know what to say. Paige had moved closer to Emma in fear that Saima may hit her while she was screaming at me. Emma fell to the floor in tears, repeating over and over “it wasn’t my decision, she asked me to do it…”
I called Elz, Emma’s mom and told her what had just happened and asked her to come over to my house immediately, which she did. We talked for a good 45 minutes once she got here, and Elz was able to calm Emma down and get some answers as to what had happened.
According to Emma, she was shaving her arm pits, which she does and her mom (Elz) knows that she does and Avaya was very curious about it. She mentioned to Emma that she wanted to shave her incoming pubic hairs but was afraid that she would cut herself and asked if Emma would do it for her. According to Emma, she sued Avaya a couple times if she was sure and she kept saying yes she was sure, so Emma started shaving her. then Emma said that she felt weird about doing it and wanted to stop, but Avaya wanted her to finish, so she did. Emma said that if she doesn’t do what Avaya wants her to do, then Avaya gets really mad at her and treats her badly and wont talk to her and she didn't want that, so she did what Avaya asked her to do.
I don't know Avaya’s side of the story because Saima wont talk to me. She wont return any of my text messages and wont call me. Ive texted her asking why she is so mad at me-but she wont respond. Ive also texted her that I’m sorry, but she wont respond to me.
Easter Sunday my family was supposed to have dinner at Saima’s house. Brandon, Elz and Family didn’t go because they felt that one day (Saturday) wasn’t enough of a cool down period for everyone involved, plus Emma didn't want to go, saying she was scared of Aunt Saima. I don't blame her for that!
Being that Saima was yelling at me when she picked Avaya up, I asked her if she wanted me to stay home for Easter dinner. She didn’t respond to me for over 6 hours, and simply said “no.” I knew that meant I don't want you to come to my house, so I didn't attend. I did make the food that I had signed up to make and sent it with my mom for everyone to enjoy. My mom gave the excuse that I was having a Gastroparesis flare and wasn’t able to attend. And the truth is, I was having a flare and my guts were twisted up inside me hurting terribly…so that wasn’t a full out lie. I also knew if I attended, the flat would be so much worse, so I stayed home
The weekend after Easter, I was supposed to go to Avaya’s dance competition in Novi, but saima never talked to me or gave me my ticket so that I could attend. I was heart broken and can only imagine how Avaya must have felt that her Grammie wasn’t there t watch her. I hope that she doesn’t think that I am ma at her or anything like that!! I could never be mad at her!!
Ive talked to Avaya a couple times on FaceTime, but she hasn’t been allowed to come to my house on our normal Fridays after school. I texted Saima last week and asked if I was picking Avaya up Friday and i got “no” no explanation or anything. Just no. I have no idea how long she is going to stay mad at me…what I do know is that shes a red headed grudge holder. What I do know is this has REALLY hurt my feelings! I would never have thought that Saima would keep my grand daughter from me like this!! I think thats what hurts the most. I really miss seeing and spending time with Avaya.
Ive got more to write…but need to take a break
This is Life…As My Thoughts Wander
Lisa Marie~
It’s hard to believe that its Spring…given the cold temps and possibilities of snow tonight. I know that in Michigan, anything can happen during early Spring, but come on!! I feel sorry for the birds that have come back and are nesting now. They have to be so cold. I am SO-SO-SO ready for warmer weather!! Oh, and SUNSHINE!!
It’s been a stressful week, maybe a bit longer than a week.
A week ago Friday, my mom and I went for our monthly appointment at Gleaner’s Food Pantry and I ended up having a full blown panic attack. I felt like I was going to pass out and I could barely walk. It was terrible!! Luckily I was able to get outside and to my car before it got any worse. Of course my mom doesn’t understand panic attacks and why I have them…and has no problem telling me that I need to just get over whatever is causing them. Yeah Mom, its just not that easy!
My cousin had court last week and it was dismissed!! No more charges will be brought against him or “Smoke” in this case. Now that he police and prosecutor have ALL the information, they have decided that there is no evidence to charge either of them.
My mom had gone down there to spend a few days with her sister, my Aunt Lauri. Brad lives there too as does Brad’s son Skyler, and Travis, my Aunt Lauri’s youngest son. My Aunt Lauri is very sick; physically and mentally. It’s a long story about her and I am not going to get into it right now, but my mom went down there to help Aunt Lauri make some Doc appointments so she can get cleared to have a colonoscopy done and to take Brad to court.
Well, my Aunt Lauri made all kinds of excuses not to make the appointments and not to make phone calls. In fact, she didn’t want to do anything at all but do “research” on her phone about all the things that are wrong with her. She refuses to believe that the things that are wrong with her have anything to do with what she does or does not do for her health. She blames everything on the house that shes living in. It’s really unbelievable to me. She believes that the Doctors diagnosis’s are always wrong and she doesn’t believe anything that they say or do. It’s really very crazy!
The night before Brad was due in court, he had a PTSD episode, and went crazy. he pulled a knife on my mom and Aunt Lauri and said he was going to kill them both. He stabbed walls in the house and punched walls in the walls. He did not hurt either of them, but totally freaked them both out. You see, Brad has been in prison before, years ago when he was just 18 yrs old. He was involved in an armed robbery, but only by association, and went to prison. While he was inside, he was beaten badly and raped, and spend 2 weeks in the hospital due to the attack. Needless to say, that is what caused the PTSD…and the possibilities of going back to prison caused a flare.
When my mom got home from being at my Aunt Lauri’s house, she told me what happened and added that she would NOT be moving in with them when they found a new place. This declaration obviously caused me to have more stress and caused a panic attack.
I have been working on finding a new counselor because I stopped going to my other counselor a while ago. And of course, no one around here takes my insurance and if they do, they aren’t taking new patients. Well, the day after my most recent panic attack, I found a counselor that takes my insurance and who is taking new patients!! She was able to get me in the very next day!! Her name is Hannah, and I really do like her. She’s a little rough around the edges and doesn’t beat around the bush! I like that in a person-especially in a counselor.
===============
Easter weekend was NOT a good weekend!!
Friday I had a few of my grandkids; Emma, Avaya, Braxton and Beau over for lunch and to color Easter eggs. It was ALOT of fun, and I think that the kids all had fun! the boys went home in the evening, and the girls were supposed to send the night and go home the next afternoon. Well…that didn't happen.
Later that evening, the girls asked if the could take a shower; thy both said that they wanted to get the egg dye off the hands and arms and that they both needed to wash their hair (which they did). They said they were going to take a shower together and I didnt think anything of it (neither did Paige, who was here with me). I asked them both if they were sure thats what they wanted to do (they are 9/10ths old) and they both said yes, they do it all the time. So, into the bathroom they went.
They weren’t in the more than 30’ish minutes, and afterwards I brushed both of the hair and we went about our evening as we normally would. The girls did their thing; talking, dancing, listening to music and just being little girls. When it came time to go to bed, I told them that they could sleep in my bed because my mom wasn’t here and they were both very excited about that!! they started getting their stuff in the bedroom. Emma walked out into the living room where I was asking for pillows because my mom had taken her 2 pillows with her. I pointed to the couch where 2 of Paiges pillows had Ben set out fr the girls and Emma grabbed them and headed back into the bedroom. Five minutes later, Avaya came out of the bedroom and started getting the couch ready to sleep on. I asked her what was going on and she said that Emma wouldn’t give her a pillow, so she was going to sleep on the couch. I knew that wasn’t the reason; Avaya likes to sleep in the room where I am sleeping, shes cared at night.
When I looked over at Avaya, she was crying an I asked her what was wrong, to which she said she was missing her mommy. I asked her if she wanted to go home, and she said that she did, so we face timed with Saima to tell her to come get Avaya. Avaya had just started some ADHD meds, so naturally Saima and assumed that the meds were effecting her and that was why she was so emotional.
Saima got her roughly 30 minutes later (1am) and she and Avaya headed out. Emma came out into the living room and Paige followed her. That’s when Saima stormed into the front door yelling that she was pissed off. When I asked her why, she said that Emma had shaved Avaya while in the shower. I was confused and said, “shaved Avaya?” And Saima screamed “HER PRIVATES!!!!!!!!” I looked over at Emma, who was now crying and asked “why would you do that Emma?” And she said “it wasn’t my decision, she asked me to…” Saima yelled, “shes only 9 fucking years old!!!!” All the while both Avaya and Emma are now crying hysterically, and Saima grabbed Avaya and walked out, slamming my door hard enough to make pictures fall off the wall.
I was in complete shock and didnt even know what to say. Paige had moved closer to Emma in fear that Saima may hit her while she was screaming at me. Emma fell to the floor in tears, repeating over and over “it wasn’t my decision, she asked me to do it…”
I called Elz, Emma’s mom and told her what had just happened and asked her to come over to my house immediately, which she did. We talked for a good 45 minutes once she got here, and Elz was able to calm Emma down and get some answers as to what had happened.
According to Emma, she was shaving her arm pits, which she does and her mom (Elz) knows that she does and Avaya was very curious about it. She mentioned to Emma that she wanted to shave her incoming pubic hairs but was afraid that she would cut herself and asked if Emma would do it for her. According to Emma, she sued Avaya a couple times if she was sure and she kept saying yes she was sure, so Emma started shaving her. then Emma said that she felt weird about doing it and wanted to stop, but Avaya wanted her to finish, so she did. Emma said that if she doesn’t do what Avaya wants her to do, then Avaya gets really mad at her and treats her badly and wont talk to her and she didn't want that, so she did what Avaya asked her to do.
I don't know Avaya’s side of the story because Saima wont talk to me. She wont return any of my text messages and wont call me. Ive texted her asking why she is so mad at me-but she wont respond. Ive also texted her that I’m sorry, but she wont respond to me.
Easter Sunday my family was supposed to have dinner at Saima’s house. Brandon, Elz and Family didn’t go because they felt that one day (Saturday) wasn’t enough of a cool down period for everyone involved, plus Emma didn't want to go, saying she was scared of Aunt Saima. I don't blame her for that!
Being that Saima was yelling at me when she picked Avaya up, I asked her if she wanted me to stay home for Easter dinner. She didn’t respond to me for over 6 hours, and simply said “no.” I knew that meant I don't want you to come to my house, so I didn't attend. I did make the food that I had signed up to make and sent it with my mom for everyone to enjoy. My mom gave the excuse that I was having a Gastroparesis flare and wasn’t able to attend. And the truth is, I was having a flare and my guts were twisted up inside me hurting terribly…so that wasn’t a full out lie. I also knew if I attended, the flat would be so much worse, so I stayed home
The weekend after Easter, I was supposed to go to Avaya’s dance competition in Novi, but saima never talked to me or gave me my ticket so that I could attend. I was heart broken and can only imagine how Avaya must have felt that her Grammie wasn’t there t watch her. I hope that she doesn’t think that I am ma at her or anything like that!! I could never be mad at her!!
Ive talked to Avaya a couple times on FaceTime, but she hasn’t been allowed to come to my house on our normal Fridays after school. I texted Saima last week and asked if I was picking Avaya up Friday and i got “no” no explanation or anything. Just no. I have no idea how long she is going to stay mad at me…what I do know is that shes a red headed grudge holder. What I do know is this has REALLY hurt my feelings! I would never have thought that Saima would keep my grand daughter from me like this!! I think thats what hurts the most. I really miss seeing and spending time with Avaya.
Ive got more to write…but need to take a break
This is Life…As My Thoughts Wander
Lisa Marie~
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 12:42 am (UTC)I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all that drama.
You don't need it and don't deserve it.
HUGS, Jon
no subject
Date: 2023-05-30 02:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-05-30 02:46 pm (UTC)